Special Labor Day Event

Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that's a *really* useful invention!

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do? Look out, Itchy! He's Irish! Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

Here's to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life's problems. Inflammable means flammable? What a country. Here's to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life's problems.

Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you're experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…

Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

  1. No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.
  2. I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
  3. Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns, Boo-urns."

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he's holding a gun.

Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There's a *New* Mexico? Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people. I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman.

  • Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
  • Slow down, Bart! My legs don't know how to be as long as yours.
  • Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

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